| (no subject) |
[Aug. 18th, 2007|01:27 am] |
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I haven't written in this in so long
its been over a year
and my life is completly diffrent
i've grown up a lot this past year...this summer really...
its been amamzing and scary
I fell in love
and learned to appreciate myself and others more
its been really great
i go back to school on monday
i'm going to be a senior, double major...i can't believe it
the years have flown by...
this is very surreal to write in this...remembering how connected I once was to this journal
life is funny sometimes
well always
but i feel like this year has a lot in store for me
it is going to be a huge learning experiance
and even though im terrified i'm so excited! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 13th, 2006|12:06 pm] |
| [ | how do you feel |
| |  content | ] |
hahah thats more fitting than you would believe
my bday just passed and it was amazing and it lasted a week hahahh a week of sheer wastedness with various groups of freinds, my only wish was that i could of celebrated w/ freinds from home that would of been amazing- my valentines weekend was really great too- i'm a lucky girl and i need to realize taht and stop being so judemental in my head
hopefully that day will come soon
today i have class till 830 and a meeting at 9...i think
i really hate mondays
but i did have yoga this morning
i fucking love it
i really hope that i can do yoga for the rest of my life |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2006|11:44 pm] |
i havnet written in a long long time, i'm starting to get back in touch w/ myself and i figured since my birhtday is a week away its a good time to reconnect to my ljness.
i'm in a new relationship its long distance again...of course..but it seems to be in a much better place than my last, i have been promoting healthy habits, eating better, exercising a lot, sleeping more, taking vitamins all that good shit i'm thinking about seeing a counsler just to sort my thoughts out...i started writting again. i joined a bunch of clubs on campus and its great to keep myself busy, i'm the tresuer of the Def Poets Society club thats awesome and im also in aca, prssa and leadreship corps it feels good to be functioning in society again, i missed it.
so i'm very excited for my bday mmy freinds have been geering up some secret plans...basically i will be wasted hahah
i downloaded are you afraid of the dark on my comp and its beautiful along w/ my renewed queer as folk and L word obsession..i love it...
i miss home a litte but not as much as last semester..it finally feels good to be here
my roomate and i are getting along much better now that she is also w/ a new guy and hes not allowed on campus lol its fucked up but its good for our relationship...i'm just over all happy and content
in a little pain from the gym but it feels real good..and hopefully for my bday i'm getting my second tatto...i really hope so- i will keep you all updated on that i'm sure u're curious hahah
i've missed writting in this shit for rela and i feel like a lot of people are recovering theri lost lj love..hahah...i just finally feel lie i'm in the place to write a post without sounding completly lost and upset
so yea
the weather has been beautiful and that has attributed to my new found attidute |
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| its been awhile-happy new years |
[Jan. 1st, 2006|12:42 pm] |
| [ | how do you feel |
| |  loved | ] |
1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
was a sophmore in college, got a 3.0, had a real relationship, experimented w/ some drugs, was homesick,
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? yes i had little to no regrets for last year and i did pull up my grades, this year i want to be more healty- eating/exercise/counsling- i want to be mentally and emotionally the best i can be
3.Did anyone close to you give birth?
yes- my sister brought a little baby boy into the family
4. Did anyone close to you die?
not super close- but there have been some people that have passed away
5. What countries did you visit?
haven't left the us...but sometimes i feel like fredonia is a diffrent country...hahh i wrote this last year and i stand by it =)
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
money =)
7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory forever?
jan 22, all of the bdays, all the times spent w/ my true freinds
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
getting a 3.0 and opening up to people
9. What was your biggest failure?
geo...going to classes on friday
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
hahah sprained my ankle again before i left for home, bad colds, anxiety attacks and depression
11. What was the best thing you bought?
my clothes, bags, and shoes
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
my freinds from home for keeping in touch and not letting distance and time change ne thing(i stand true to that) and also my own for getting through a really rough semester
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
ummmmm....there were some freinds i had problems with but it was nothing too terrible now that im looking back on it
14. Where did most of your money go?
drinking, ciggs, pot, martins
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
commng home for breaks, the weekends, the end of the semester
16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
"just a little bit" "such great hights"
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? umm i'm more real- happy
b) thinner or fatter? gained some beer weight
c) richer or poorer? poorer!
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
met more people, did things that made me happy, opened up more to people, been more proactive
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
partying, moping
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
spent it w/ the family
22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
i dont think i fell in love but i deff opened my heart up to someone-it was both sucessful and hurtful
23. How many one-night stands?
one or two
24. What was your favorite TV program?
americas next top model, project runway
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
nope
26. What was the best book you read?
umm do cosmos count?.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
the postal service, blonde redheads, james blunt
28. What did you want and get?
more freinds, great pictures, and great stories, a boyfreind, a 3.0, a challenge
29. What did you want and not get?
a hassle free semester, low amoounts of stress
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
narnia, brokeback mountian, family guy movie
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
turned 19...had a four day extravaganza, threw up on the sidewalk, saw scary movies, was simply wasted with the people i love at school..spent time w/ the ex and got many many phonecalls (19 missed calls whe iwoke up in the morning)had my room decorated by my freinds
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
love and inner peace
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
casual and comfortable in the day but w/ funky flair, at night funky and daring
34. What kept you sane?
inner strengh, optimisim, freinds, good listeners
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
angelina
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
the election-the gov's reaction to some of the natural disasters
37. Who did you miss?
when i'm at school my freinds from home when i'm at home my freinds from school
38. Who was the best new person you met?
my suities weens, giggles and hizzy
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
everything happens for a reason...whether you understand it or not, whether you like it or not, you will be stronger when its all said and done
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"damn baby all i need is a little bit not a lot baby girl just a little bit" |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 13th, 2005|05:07 am] |
2 finals done
2 more to go
home for break on friday
yay
i just really wish that i could get this sleeping thing under control bc its not good |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2005|04:52 am] |
| [ | how do you feel |
| |  cold | ] |
i cannot believe there is only two weeks left of the semester i really need to pull my shit together and pull it out strong
-ooh man its crazy part of me really wants to be home but theres this little peice of me that isn't happy wherever i go, its like this sad little girl that sits in my mind and distracts me
--i hate this-
-i wish i felt as happy as i look in all thoes pictures
- i wish i had more money
- i wish i had my freinds from home here and my freinds from here home i'm sick of constantly comparing the two and having to walk on eggshells so i dont hurt the latter uggg its annoying and of course i'm not sleeping right now wich i should be its almost 5am
-this is noooo good
-my room is cold and i hate it maybe if someone would close the fucking window!
-i need to write a poem
- i need a hug from a guy who doesn't just want to get in my pants
-i want a relationship
-something...to ...fufill
-i've never been so desolate i guess in my life....i hate it
-i hate the person i've become
-she is the person i make fun of hahahh
-its ironic
-there are good things in my life and im happy too but right now my brain is full of anxiety and racing thoughts and its just hard to sort through and reconstruct the great things but i know they're there and i'm thankful every day for them
-i havent writtne in ahiwl and i forgot how good it acutally feels to let this shit outttt
-im breathing again ...emotionally
-i'm starting to let myself feel
-i ahve a lot of work comming up these next two weeks its going to suck but i have to do it
-i want to get healty -loose weight, work out, attempt to eat better-its hard here
-i want to go to counseling, but i'm afraid no one will understand me until i understand myself
-i need a whole spiritual emotional makeover
-i hate how i only look good w/ make up on and my hair done
-this is how my thoughts are
staggered
bulleted
points
racing
through
my
head
help~
oh i did write a poem awhile ago
heres a glimps (who reads this thing any more hahah)
I thought I’d come to college and meet my life long friends
I never thought it would be so hard to build and weave and mend
I thought I’d come to college and instantly understand
What it meant to know people for the good and for the bad.
But now I feel people fleeting when the ugly rears its head
I see people receding when the ugly rears its head
And I soon forget that it’s only been a year since we all met
We’re not prepared, we’re all still scared, of whom we are becoming
And although you want to edit and reveal yourself all at once
We are lost in a limbo, slowly loosing touch
With who we were and who we’ll become
With where to go and where to run
I thought I’d come to college and create my own trend
I wouldn’t have to form to people who didn’t understand
I wouldn’t have to compromise; I’d meet people just like me
People I’ve been waiting my whole life to meet
I thought I’d come to college and meet my life long friends
I never thought it would be so hard to build, and weave and mend
But I’m willing to work and I’m willing to try
And I’m willing to put away all that holds me back inside
Because sometimes it hurts more to be on the outside looking in
Just in order to insure security from with in.
I thought I’d come to college and meet my life long friends
And I think I am, and I think I can, we all just need to try and understand
i love writting
i mmiss writting
i need to take a creative writting class or something
i need to get these juices flowing again
because i'm turning into an essay churning macine and thats all i'm good fore
and i see poetic heads popping out througout my stupid dumb essays and htats when i
know that i need to get back into it and re connect with this part of me |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 27th, 2005|04:47 am] |
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oh my fucking ogod i'm tweaing out this was my lst nite out w/ my ny niy cigsla dnw we deff mad eit worth our wihle you dont even know hahahhahahhaha wth wth wth gotta weke up wsoon wogtta wake up soon wogtta wake sou pspm gootat waske up soonnnnnnnnn but i can do it and drive for eight hours it will be ok i prose ahha ok ok i has soo much work due on tuesday its not even funny adn bi'm bringing so much baggaege on the trip sbut i thinks thats ok to oo becaus ei said soo and i'm tryign tot type this wekskh my eyes close dand i'm trying sto see how well i do ok ok okoko i love you bye |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2005|12:06 am] |
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just saw Rent the movie= AMAZING |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 9th, 2005|02:54 am] |
especially people who i dont know very well/dont see you very often, im interested in random memories
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad. Come on, just do it.
When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or
mortified) about what people remember about you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 25th, 2005|03:46 am] |
10/24/05 Monday, October 24, 2005
A- AREA CODE YOU ARE IN RIGHT NOW: 716
B- BIRTHDAY: Feb 7, 1986
C- CURRENT CRUSH: none at the moment
D- FAVORITE DRINK: water
E- YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS: over hard
F- FAVORITE FOOD: sushi
G-WHO DO YOU GO TO FOR ADVICE: lana, mia, ky, my sister, etc
I- I THINK: about a lot of crazy shit
K- ANY KIDS: not for a while
L- LUST ABOUT: a man in general
M- FAVORITE MOVIE: Playing by Heart
N- YOUR PHONE NUMBER: 7166372360
O- OVER OR UNDER: under
P- FAVORITE PERFUME/COLOGNE: happy
Q- A LITTLE QUIRK ABOUT YOURSELF: i secretly love to get scared/surprised
R- LAST ROAD TRIP: rockland -> Fredonia (7 hrs holler)
S- PLACE YOU FEEL SAFEST: at home/ or when surrounded by great freinds
T- FAVORITE TV SHOW: Americas next top model/svu
U-COLOR OF YOUR UNDERWEAR: did you read my quirks? white
V- LAST TIME YOU WERE IN VEGAS: never been (yet)
W- WISHFUL THINKING: to find a guy that will truly care about me
X - XRAYS TAKEN THIS YEAR: none this year (but one about a year ago)
Y- YOUR FAVORITE YEAR OF YOUR LIFE?: every year
Z- ZODIAC SIGN: aquarius |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 20th, 2005|09:11 pm] |
....remember when i used to write in this thing alll the time....
im due for an update real soon
last nite i was in the er for 4 hours
and i slept all day today
and now i wanna go out
hahah oooh college |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 9th, 2005|05:47 am] |
| [ | how do you feel |
| |  cranky | ] |
weekends are going by tooo fast and so are the weeks but so much is going on....its crazy....home in 3 days...i'm estatic....i've been re-discovering people its beautiful....old freindds...resurface...its cool and weird....i neeed to sleep and be content and happy again...i miss it... |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 6th, 2005|06:49 am] |
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i'm really tired and i really dont feel good right now |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 3rd, 2005|01:19 am] |
| [ | how do you feel |
| |  drained | ] |
i really can not wait to go home when i drive down main street i might just die just a little bit it will be absoutly beautiful and i will love it....yay nyack =) |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 1st, 2005|03:35 am] |
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what a fucking nite there are no words to describe the way i feel rite now bu tits ol |
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| i may be tired but i'm happy |
[Sep. 29th, 2005|05:17 am] |
| [ | how do you feel |
| | exhausted | ] |
sleep has not been my freind these days....i dont understand why i cant just go to sleep at a normal time...i'm sick of waking up grogy and deprived feeling like i'm walking thorugh a technicolored wizzard of oz that is my campus....its been a week and i haven't had more than 4 consecutive hrs of sleep...then i nap in the day...recharge...then stay awake....i hate this....i just want to sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and content and happy....thats it....if its not anxiety its insomnia fun fun fun.....i need to cut back on smoking....its hurting my lungs for real....i have a crush.....hmmmmm i miss these warm fuzzies hahahah and its nice.....i have a test at 930 tommarow and i was planning on waking up at 8 to study but we'll see how that goes considering i'll only get like 2.5 hrs of sleep at the most...grrrrr....so now i'm gonna watch ren and stimpy and hope that it will aid me along w/ a cup of tea...its raining crazy hard i stood outside and just watched, listened, felt nature, the wind, the mist, the tattered leaves...it was beaituful...i really just love the awesomeness of the world.....werd....can u tell i'm tired i'm like delierious i really think that if this keeps up for much longer i'm gonna be putting my mental capacity at risk....this weekend has to be serrious sleep catch up time and work time...i need to reduce my creek time...even athough its soo much fun...its not a good pattern to slip into ssssssssssssssssooooooooooooooooooooooooooo yeah....thats it for now...this is the most substance i've written in awhile in this thing.....i maybe tired but i'm happy |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 28th, 2005|05:21 pm] |
i really want this to work out to my benifit
*wishes*
please |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 23rd, 2005|09:41 pm] |
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life is simply....weird.....but yet....beautiful |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2005|12:45 am] |
| [ | how do you feel |
| | drained | ] |
"You've come to love me nightly
Yeah you've come to hold me tight
Is this motion everlasting
Or do shutters pass in the night?"
*sigh*
this sucks
these past few weeks have reall been something else....i feel myself disapearing into a place between lonliness and ambiton its strange
i was reading the Tao of Pooh for my cross culteral psych class
"many people are afraid of emptyness, however because it reminds them of lonliness, everything has to be filled...but when all the spaces are filled, the lonliness really begins..."
-insightful-
sometimes i've never felt more lonley when i am surrouned w/ so much, so many people, stupid.....shit...i need to cheer up....i've been on this run for a week or two too many.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 9th, 2005|02:24 pm] |
| [ | how do you feel |
| |  devious | ] |
yay its the weekend finally deff skipped a class....whatev hahahh ummmmyeah soo i really hope that this weekend will be as nice and as easy and as drama free as the last one we'll just have to wait and see...i havent written a hardcore long ass entry in a long time....i feel one commming on soon...dun dun dunna NA...ive also been very confrontational latley i'm not sure why something about everyone is making me on teh hardcore deffence attack mode i hope its just bc i'm supposed ot get my . like today....idk....i kinda like this bitch mode i'm on its made me feel very relentless and strong...cuz i'm deff not taking shit from people at the meoment |
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pinkandglittery's journal